My New Career

Nov 19, 2020

Here I am.  Living my dream.  I was five years old the first time I used the word 'career.'  My mom called me to come inside and I was having a really good time in the back yard.  "Aw, you ruined my career!" I whined.  I have no idea where I'd heard the phrase... probably on tv.  My mom giggled and repeated what I said, and I thought two things; "I don't think I used that word right," and, "She's going to tell people about this and they are going to laugh at me."  

I was a sensitive child.  I grew into a sensitive adolescent, a sensitive teen, a sensitive young adult, and... you guessed it, I'm still so so sensitive.  An empath.  I notice everything.  I notice with my whole self.  All of my senses are tuned in as I move through my life.  I've believed for most of my life that being sensitive was a curse but now, it's one of the things I love most about myself.  I love being sensitive, because it feels like I'm really LIVING.  I can't handle spicy food, though.  I can't sleep unless I have my pillow.  I used to believe I was crafted wrong because of how sensitive I was.  I used to think I needed improvement. 

My early exposure to religion (Catholicism) along with my sensitive nature made me a seeker before my baby teeth fell out.  In early adulthood, this looked like an insatiable thirst for self help.  What was I seeking?  Relief from the voice in my own head saying the most confusing things:

You're amazing! You're an idiot.

You're ugly. You have nice hair.

You're talented.  Not really.

You're lazy. You work too hard.

You're so judgmental.  Everyone thinks you're fake.

I found my way to life coaching completely by accident or maybe serendipity - whichever suits you best.  An innocent click on my Facebook scroll 'ruined my career.'  What I was read... testimonials of women who have been in coaching for just a short time: 

"If you had told me that in just 6 months, I'd be nice to myself, encourage myself, be supportive of myself, not be mean to myself when I've messed up."

"I realized I wasn't broken. I didn't need fixing."

"I'm not a bad mom just because I didn't remember to move the sheets into the dryer before bedtime. I'm not a bad mom period, but I was the only one who didn't know that." 

"I lived my life so that no one would 'think' whatever I thought they might think about me... but I had no idea what I really thought. I didn't know how to think for myself."

This all sounded like me.  I was reading my thoughts on the screen and I was seeking relief from this exact mind drama.  I felt like I should be able to figure it out - with ALL the books I'd read, and all the retreats and courses and podcasts and audio books.

The first thing I learned was how the brain works.  It's trying to keep us safe, so it says a lot of stuff that sounds like judgment. Learning to look at my mind with curiosity... to just notice what it's doing without beating myself up about it was the first step to my freedom.  

Life coaching pairs perfectly with my extroverted personality.  I love connecting.  I love listening and teaching.  My first career, in fact, was teaching.  I taught elementary school.  I loved my job.  After having two little ones close together, I decided to mother them with all of me.  In wanting to capture their preciousness, I found my way to photography - which has been a great love affair.  I will never break up with my Canon.  

My journey as a seeker and a sensitive soul has been beautiful.  Honestly, I wouldn't change a thing.  Well, I might change one thing.  What would my last 30 years have been like if the voice in my head had been kind and loving all along?  Why aren't we teaching our kids how to accept themselves exactly as they are rather beating themselves up in order to get results.  Has that ever worked?  I believe we are all here to raise the consciousness of the planet. I want to do my part by starting with the young ones.  They are so magnificent, but  they believe they suck.  They believe they are made wrong.  They think they need improvement.  

I will teach young ladies that they are indeed exquisite.  They don't have to 'take their power back' because they never lost it.  It's right there.  Their power is in connecting with their authenticity.  Their power is in knowing for themselves who they are, and LOVING themselves just exactly the way they were made.  

 

 

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