The Steady Stream of Constant Casual Self-RejectionDec 05, 2021
Today, we’re gonna take a look in the mirror. Just stand there and look at her. Notice where your brain goes. What are the exact things it likes to say to you? Are you able to look at yourself for long without looking away? Can you handle the steady stream of casual constant self rejection?
I listened to a podcast this week featuring Mel Robbins who wrote The High Five Habit. She teaches a method to help address the ‘language’ we speak to ourselves. Here’s an impactful bit of the conversation:
“We justify self-criticism by thinking that somehow we’re holding ourselves accountable.
Self-criticism has been passed down from generation to generation.
You are so unaware of how fluently you are negative.
When you are speaking, you are unaware that you are speaking the English language, you just speak it. Self-criticism and self-rejection is something that we are fluent in. So much so, you don’t even realize you’re speaking it. Most of us are completely unconscious of the language we are speaking to ourselves, but we feel the impact of beating ourselves up. We feel the low energy of having a mind that focuses on the things we’re not doing or the things that went wrong or what OTHER people might be thinking of us. This relentless negative default is everyone’s primary problem. We don’t even register how constant the drumbeat of self-loathing is in our minds.
Being kind to yourself, being compassionate with yourself, being forgiving of yourself IS the secret to motivation. Joy, contentment, self-respect and pride are the gifts of giving yourself the opposite messages that you’ve been listening to in the background for your entire life.”
This hits: Self-criticism and self-rejection is something that we are fluent in.
Think of a recent compliment you received that felt like an affirmation you needed to hear. Notice how you hold onto that opinion of another and wonder to yourself, ‘Is that really true? Could that be the truth instead of the thing I always say to myself?’ You might be convinced to believe the compliment – especially if you receive others that match it. But if no one else gives you the same validation, you will ultimately default back to your original self-defeating belief.
It’s as though we go out into the world to take a poll on how we’re doing.
This is especially true of women and girls and how we see our faces, the shape of our bodies, the state of our hair. Our obsession with our physicality is the loudest drumbeat. Notice how you think of 'how I look' even when you are alone. Why are so many young people suffering from body dysmorphia and eating disorders?
It’s the language of our entire culture and it’s especially directed at women:
Be tiny, be smooth, be shiny (but not like, oily shiny!)
Awareness is rising though. The collective consciousness of women and girls is gathering momentum. You can see it in the tone of messages across all platforms. Sure, there are also the opposite messages… but if you are looking for them, you will see a flood of truth coming from writers, influencers, even advertisers are tapping into the necessity of reframing the narrative.
To begin to shift the language you speak to yourself, have a good long look in the mirror and just notice the thoughts that come. This is the start. You first become AWARE. Once you are tuned into the noise, you can plant new thought seeds in your brain. What would you like to think? It’s your brain… you get to do what you want in there!
The foundation of Life Coaching is thought work. We take a look at what your brain likes to do, the impact it has on you, and what you can do about it. With a supportive dialogue running in the background of your mind, the fullness of who YOU are can begin to emerge and whatever you’re telling yourself you can’t do becomes possible.
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